“In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researches have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships.” –John Gotman, Ph.D. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, p. 20

We are only able to control our own actions. So, the next time you get angry with someone ask yourself this question… “Am I trying to control this person through my anger?” I have found that if I’m able to practice poise and calmness in every situation that I’m hurled into, I actually gain more control of the situation.  The other person no longer has control of my emotions! Remember, you do not have control over what the person did to you or said to you.  You do have control of your own thoughts, words, and actions. I don’t know about you but that’s a very freeing thought! I’m only responsible for me!

One way I’ve been able to accomplish this is by admitting that I’m wrong.  It’s ok to admit defeat in my quest to succeed in life. Learning from your mistakes is even more powerful than actually succeeding at it.Wisdom is guarded by problems. Solve the problems and you gain wisdom. So, when I find myself frustrated or angry I ask myself these questions “What did I do wrong in all of this? Did I keep my cool? Did I keep my calm? Did I keep my poise?  How can I change my unwanted behaviors?”

“Feeling relaxed, confident and upbeat keeps frustration and anger in check” –Author unknown

This idea will be challenging to implement. It is extremely difficult to keep your poise when someone has manipulated your emotions, but it’s not impossible. It will require lots of practice and you’ll probably fail at it several times before you’re able to maintain your cool in the midst of your strong emotions of anger. You may even succeed at it a few times and then slip back into your old habits. Don’t let anger win. Keep trying, keep practicing and eventually it will become natural. People will start to wonder what has changed within you. That’s when you have the power to influence others, not control them.